reflective blog.

    If I was allowed only one word that describes my life, I think it would take a lifetime just to grasp a term that fits. I've seen alot of things that either have stuck with me or have been discarded due to the importance of what Ive seen and experienced. But then, there were the very few things that stuck by me. There were very few people that stuck by me. One big lesson that I have acquired through this specific place that I will embark on sharing with you is, it’s not about who’s on your side at the end of things, but it’s who is by your side that matters. 

    

Walking home from school every day, 2 miles, sore feet, so many laughs and smiles with my friends. My friends, a cluster of people that I understood and was equally understood by. Walking on the train tracks talking about the unknown and dipping into a questionable world that was bigger than us. Going through phases, and fads. Together. There’s a saying, “let there be spaces in your togetherness”. In friendships I had before the people of Clifton, I lied more in the spaces then in the togetherness with the people I knew. School was likable for once. I wasn't bashed by classmates or teachers like I was before in my old school. I wasn't made out to be stupid because honestly, I wasn't. It’s amazing how low you can think of yourself when other people tell you you’re worth nothing because somehow it helps their own sick mechanism of insecurity. I wasn't a loser there. My life turned into an art form. I saw things so much differently. I loved being free like that, being able to express thoughts that took me to a higher level. I felt like I was in an everlasting bubble, one that only brought me up, until I moved again and that bubble popped, leaving me to plummet on my butt. I would wake up in my bed so excited that the sun was out. The sun in Clifton New Jersey makes you feel like you’re in a Rod Sterling Episode especially when it sets, it’s odd and intimate, premature and everlasting, and it burns inside of you like hot tea when you've got a sore throat. Overall it heals you.

   

 The thing that made Clifton, New Jersey a euphoric place for me was because when I moved there, it was such an awkward time in my life. That time where you stand as this conflicted adolescent with more wrong in your head then right. I still am young and naive but compared to previous points in my life I think I’m maturing steadily. I always have been a secluded kid, I have one best friend but she moved away before I hit my notorious middle school years, that time when friendships are always put in question. I hit a rocky patch around the time before I moved, there was just so many things going on that moving from a place that I was born and raised was something that I anticipated for such a long time. I grew, not completely up but I got off to a good start with the guidance of people that knew for 7 months but seemed to grow with. There are many things I can say, but just because they can be said doesn’t mean they should be. It’s hard to let it go, my memories. They build up and then they tower down.

The thing is, my life can’t be expressed all in one word. I refuse seizing to be another categorized hallmark movie where the titles are gripping words that make the viewer contemplate what exactly the movie is about.  I think the reason why I can’t settle with being summed up is because of my experiences when I lived in Clifton, I gained my voice. It was truly a time of refracting my inner individuality in that time period where I had this eclipse in front of my true inner thoughts and feelings. 


There’s this theory about the reason why the earth , humanity and everything living will end . Scientists say the world will end because every year when the earth makes a complete revolution (365 days) the moon moves one inch away from the earth.Scientists believe overtime this will ultimately cause all life to die because the moon is what keeps the earth in perpetual motion, without it everything is thrown off balance.Now the world ending wont happen for a really long time simply for the fact that the moon has to be unmeasurable miles away, but it does consider that there is an end. How I feel this connects into our lives is because we slowly inch away from things, memories, experiences causing what "once was" to go in a state of nonexistence.It doesn't happen right away , remembering and forgetting is like life and death itself, sometimes remembering is hell when all someone wants to do is forget. Memories are alive, but they do not last forever because they are contained in the mind of people, and of course people dont last forever.


 I've always hated theories because most of the time they make sense. When a theory is a created it causes onlookers to stop wondering about "what if" . Being human is all about what-ifs.Making sense in your own mind why things happen, but when you know why and whats going to happen you stop asking questions and accept things for what they are. We all know the worlds going to end, that fact of life is equivalent to the fact that we all know were going to forget, and lose memories as we grow old. Its a stage of life but now in the glory years it makes you  more sad because what happens to you now is all you can confide in , happy days. Pure days, and to be honest, I feel like if I filtered my life , if i took out all the refined aspects of it, the purest thing left would be my memories from Clifton. 


 In my opinion the moments you forget that are the structure of who you are, is the truth that you  forget who you are. And like the world ending because of the moons distance, your world ends a little bit, for you, whose life has drifted from your mind, your thoughts and feelings are uninhabitable because you find yourself searching for something you cant remember. That’s my one fear I guess, the one thing I obsess over, not remembering. It comes to show though, enjoy life, because when you take the time to be happy you can make new memories. The hardest things to do as a human is restraining from looking back and concentrate on looking forward. It’s so tempting to want to recap and resonate in all the good, but you have to realize you cant be stuck in the past when you have a future waiting to be paved. My life right now isn't fantastic,which is why I look back at a time that I miss . I realize though your living a different life, somebody else's life if your living in your own past. Because as person you have to grow, changing who you are from who you were is just another natural stage of life. As humans we are the Protagonists in the stories of our own lives there is no way we can stay static throughout all our chapters. Being dynamic characters of nature is what makes us human. I think people that struggle with letting go are both the Protagonist and Antagonist in their own lives because they are in constant conflict with themselves. It brought me to the conclusion that I have a choice, I can keep rekindling that fear of forgetting by being in conflict with myself, or I can let go and be free myself allowing me to move on, realizing no, things wont ever be the same, but yea maybe the future will be even more rewarding. I cant say I will remember Clifton as I grow older or recall all the faces and memories I experienced there but somewhere in my heart, I think whenever the place Clifton ,New Jersey is spoken, I'll still feel the excitement that once was. I think thats the great thing , because even though its a fact that people forget , what can be stored in your heart is unmeasurable, there is no expiration date or time limit. A feeling is much more powerful then a thought, because it doesn't require thought, it just comes naturally. 

Flog #4

People of the court I feel that it is in everyones best interest that this criminal Mr. Hyde, is put away. This misled individual suffers from a diseased mind whos diagnoses is destruction and chaos to those who are around him. For it is not this mans fault that he is mad in the mind, but a crime as severe as murder cannot go unpunished just because someones discrepancies of right and wrong  can be blamed on their mind that went mad. If we let this man free who knows what other horrors will uproar. What if the victim was your friend, your brother, your husband or someone you knew ? If you had the opportunity to sentence the cause of what killed a honest man you once knew , wouldn't you do all you could in your power to see it through? Finding justice not only for the crime he committed but putting the death of that person to rest and potentially keeping a very unfortunate incident like this from happening to someone else's friend, brother, husband etc.  A mentally unstable person has no place in a society circulating with innocent individuals that are being put in danger because a jury let one bad apple roam.

Blog assignment 3

The character I am most drawn to in the novel "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" is Dr. Lanyon. I think this is because I can understand his logical thinking the best. I feel like in a way we relate. I know what its like to feel when you can see something for its pure evil and no matter how much you try to convince the ones around you to heed your warnings still they are blindsided of seeing the bad. Lanyon in my opinion is the most honest. I feel as if Utterson is way to personal. Although without doubt hes a great friend, his feelings are way to personal. He never once puts blame on Dr. Jekyll and looks for scapegoats in other things and people to tangent the public eye away from his dear friend.
 I think what Stevenson is trying to do is show the tolerance of real friendship. Not only that but he gets you thinking about what kind of people have certain tolerances. Like Dr. Lanyon, his persona was a educated friendly man yet, he knew when enough was enough. Where as the lawyer Mr. Utterson is more of a  disclosed uneasy man with his own secretive life. The factors of what makes people up contributes to how they value things and thats kind of what Stevenson' moral point could possibly be.

"Story of the Door " Reflection

A memorable  occurrence  in the readings of "Dr Jekyll and Mr .Hyde" as quoted by two excepts in the story were, "I took the liberty of pointing out to my gentleman that the whole business looked apocryphal , and that a man does not, in real life, walk in to a cellar door at four in the morning , and walk out with another mans cheque for close upon a hundred pounds. " and  , " I gave in the cheque myself, and said i had every reason to believe it was a forgery. Not a bit of it. The cheque was genuine".
  After doing a bit of reading about forgery in the Victorian era i found out that forgery was as extreme as murder, and was served with hanging as a justice being served punishment. It spurred a few questions. Lets say the check was fake, what action would Mr. Enfield had taken then? Would he have reported this impostor? Would he have done something even more extreme? When you think about a story you circle around that one event that causes everything to move in motion, like the world on its axis. If the check was faulty then this fraud Mr. Hyde would not only be publicized for his horrid deeds but would also be in trouble by law. As humans we all make assumptions that come the most natural to us. It was Mr. Enfield's natural intuition  that this check would be fake , which would some what ease his state of mind, but the irony was the fact that  the check indeed was not a forgery . From that point it put everything into perspective. It is the foundation of what is to come next. It makes you reflect on all of the things and memories in life that occur all from one tiny deal breaker. In this story that secret ingredient was the check being cashed without hesitation or suspicion of fraud from people such as the bank cashier. Without that event happening , Mr.Utterson would have not gone  home and studied over the will , he wouldn't have made attempts to get to the bottom of why Mr.Hyde had access to Dr. Jekyll's whole life , almost as if this vile man has stepped in one of his oldest friends shoes and taken his place. The small fact I am stressing in this entry is merely the realization of what events cause a story to be told.

  From the 5 articles listed ,  i choose  " Multiple Personality Disorder" . What I learned from the given information was ,  Multiple Personality disorder also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder is developed  from extreme traumatic experiences in ones early life. Such as,  sexual, physical and emotional  abuse .This causes a lack of connection in ones thoughts , memories , feelings, actions or sense of identity. Its a way for someone to cope with violent or painful experiences. 

   My over-all reaction towards this article was a mixture of interest and skepticism . I could not believe that someones multiple personalities could incorporate their own genders , races and ages. It kind of got me thinking of  all the people in history that had multiple personalities, and the destruction they could have caused because of it. It also spurred other curious questions such as, could these difference personalities do things like convince themselves they had different sicknesses such as cancer.Or if they were dying? And if one personality kills itself off, does another one develop? It makes you sad when you think about it because, these people are their own worst enemies. As stated in the article, people commit behaviors classified as "self sabotage" and "self-violence" .  Plus most of Dissociative Identity Disorder patients would do things normally they wouldn't find themselves doing, such as, stealing or being reckless because they feel compelled to do it. Almost like being possessed . As quoted , "feeling as being a passenger in their body rather than the driver". 

   How i think this article plays in with the novel is, considering the setting takes place sometime in the 1800s it relates to the fact of how a new era of treating mental illnesses became in effect in that time frame. For many centuries before people associated mental disorders with  witch craft or evil forces. So what you can assume about this novel is , it might have something to do with the treatment or realization of someone that might of had a mental disorder. 

extra information link :

http://sturtevant.com/alex/insane.htm

references : paragraph 2, 3 and the second to last paragraph